Happy day, happy thoughts!

Today is one of those few days I felt truly like my usual happy, crazy self since moving here. Ramazan is over and today is eid so we went to galle face to have fun. I flew kites with the kids and it was sooooo much fun. After that we rested on the beach and had delicious cornetto. There were beautiful breezes and there were birds and colorful kites in the sky. As I sat there on the beach and watched the kids play, and the adults trying to feel comfortable on those blankets while they ate.. I felt thankful for being there.

I do not have the perfect everything. It might seem perfect but no, my life is not perfect. There are tough times and happy days like today. I don't have even half of everything I want.

But I realize that it could have been worse. I dont have everything but the little things I have make me so happy. Like nail polish and pretty hair bows. My family might not be the perfect family, but dad sent me chocolates and they make me happy. My aunts, uncles and cousins are soooo crazy that they make me scream sometimes but they are fun and they love me a lot. And above all, I'm with an amazing person and he makes me the happiest. Sooo... LOTS of things to be thankful for.

Here is a million silent thanks heavenwards.

Emmen ge dhattha

When I was a little kid, it was her loving hands that guided me. I remember how she would play with us and then sometimes, get angry too. 
After I started school, it was she who walked me even though she could barely walk steady on the rough streets. It was she who went to the countless extra classes with me, she who watched me every time I went anywhere, even if it was as far as next door.
When I played with my cousins, it was she who helped us find little things to play with. She would agree to almost anything we asked her for.
When I had to sleep alone and was frightened, it was she who spent a many sleepless nights telling me stories she has heard from here and there, trying to keep herself awake.
And as a teenager I remember being a little rebellious. It was her presence that brought any comfort to the long saturday noons and depressing evenings. I remember how she would do anything that made me happy- making little toys from coconut palm leaves, giving me trinkets she got found lying around, watching the road, how people and vehicles passed by.
After I moved away, it was she who kept a firm grip around anything and everything I owned. It was she who wouldn't let anybody, not even my own brother near any of my belongings, whether it be pretty shoes or just old pencils and books.

It was she, who longed most for every time I visited.
It was she, who was my comfort and ease, my guide and my parent.
It was she, who looked after me even though she didn't know how to.
It was she. who gave me most even though she owned the least.
It was she, who made me realize how much you could give to a person just by loving them.

Dear dhattha,
You are my aunt, a very good aunt but you have been so much more for me.
Behind those eyes that are wary, I see love. In your laughter, their is genuine happiness. Behind your anger and frustration, I recognize how you must have endured thrice as much of the misery I know. So many wrinkles mark your hands today not from working for yourself, but working endlessly for us.
I realize today how less of life you have seen. I wish we both live to see a day I could show you places, give you things you deserve, lighten your burden and make you happy, truly happy. I wish I could talk to you and tell you how much you mean to me. I love you so dearly and I wish you realize how wonderful a person you are. You are truly, emmenge dhattha, my dhattha.


Yours lovingly,
Me.

updates, updates

hello blogosphere,

It's been very long since I was here in my very own little space, just ranting randomly. So that's what I plan to do in this post. 

• First things first, its ramazan and the first time I can't go home for Ramazan. Can't say that my cravings are being satisfied by the vegetables and stuff being cooked here. So I have started fasting on cereals, Oreos and fruits. Trust me its NOT fun but I think I will survive as long as we have Kellogs in stock.
• My birthday is like a month away and this is the first time I cant go home for that either. I haven't completed a wishlist yet, since I know I am away and it's going to suck either way.
• I went to Malaysia recently, with my cousin sisters, The trip was a gift from our uncle and we had LOTS and LOTS of fun. The best part of the trip for me was getting to spend time with them after so long and of course, the shopping.

• Look at what I discovered from Tifanny&Co. A charm bracelet!! I swear, Tiffany's make me want to scream.

• I am again rebuilding the collection of shoes my mother secretly threw away when I moved here.
• And the best update of all time, my boyfriend Nashwan visited me earlier this month, and it was the best of times we've ever spent together. Oh oh oh, and this time we also went shopping.The guy hates shopping but he tolerated it while I dragged him all over the place, looking for a dress. Such a sweetheart he is :)
• I found a "Thitthimen Corn" near home. It's like a little bit of Male' and good memories in the form of corn :P

Soooo, that would be all for now. I shall be back later, maybe with a birthday wishlist if I can find the energy to finish it. Till then, toodles!  ^_^

If only words could express this terrible feeling of sadness..

If only there was even a glint of hope to better frustration and hopelessness..

If only I had it in me, to heal you all with love.

If only I had whatever it took, to buy you even a fraction of a second..

If only..

If only the clouds would give way to sunshine..

If only I had the power to claim you all mine..

To keep you away from pain and fear,

To cease the endless tears you bear..

If only..

What money cannot buy, they say

A genuine heart and love but may

If only all the love a girl could give,

would buy you more time.. to laugh, to love, to live

If only..