If only words could express this terrible feeling of sadness..

If only there was even a glint of hope to better frustration and hopelessness..

If only I had it in me, to heal you all with love.

If only I had whatever it took, to buy you even a fraction of a second..

If only..

If only the clouds would give way to sunshine..

If only I had the power to claim you all mine..

To keep you away from pain and fear,

To cease the endless tears you bear..

If only..

What money cannot buy, they say

A genuine heart and love but may

If only all the love a girl could give,

would buy you more time.. to laugh, to love, to live

If only..

.. because in the end, we all bleed red.

"Just as you have the instinctive natural desire to be happy and overcome suffering, so do all sentient beings; just as you have the right to fulfill this innate aspiration, so do all sentient beings. So on what grounds do you discriminate?"

I wish it was me who said these words. I wish I was capable of such beautiful, thoughtful words of wisdom. These words were what Dalai Llama had to say about hate crimes. What are hate crimes? Defined as any crime committed out of hatred for someone’s race, skin color, sex, sexual orientation or their membership in any other such social group, hate crimes are said to be the most serious of crimes because these people actually believe that what they are doing is right.

Why do people commit hate crimes? Usually, the person who commits a hate crime is sending a message to members of a certain group that they are unwelcome in a particular neighborhood, community, school, or workplace. By far, the largest amount of hate crimes has been motivated by racial bias. In addition to this, violence cause due to hatred of religions has also become a major issue in today’s society. Most such hate crimes are acts of vandalism, although personal attacks are not uncommon. Statistics show that the most “socially acceptable”, and probably the most widespread, form of hate crime among teenagers and young adults are those targeting sexual minorities. Finally, it is very sad to acknowledge that even people with disabilities have often been victims to this insanity.

It is wrong to stereotype people based on ridiculous things like skin color, where they come from or what they believe in. It is also, very wrong to judge any person simply because he is different from what you are. This is wrong, because at the end of the day, every child smiles in the same language and we all bleed red. So believing in this and making sure that your own thoughts is the first and the most important thing you could do.

Hate crimes literally tear away at the peace and harmony in a society. They serve to isolate a certain group of people in the society. In today’s world, where we are constantly trying to establish equal rights for all human beings, the thought of such happenings around the world is so discouraging. It breaks my heart, to think of people who actually think and believe that they are not good enough to belong. It breaks my heart, to think of all those people who were killed simply because they were different. It also, makes me sad to think that we as humans are capable to think such inhumane thoughts, because hate crimes, more than anything, promote slavery and other violent crimes against humanity.

Considering all these things, is it right for us to simply stand and watch? Or is there anything we could do to put an end to this?

As the young people, I believe that we are the people who can do the most. The more I think about the unfairness of it all, the more I realize that like me, many people think about it. However, nobody ever does anything about it simply because it has never happened to them. I am ridden with guilt every time I think about the things I could have done. People who are young should take initiative in such causes because if we don’t, then who does? Of course, one person alone cannot change the world. However, as long as he does his part and as soon as we all start doing what we can, we might see the world changing for the better.

To sum it up, there is still hope. There is so much we all could do and if everybody would just care a bit more about the world around them, we might actually see a hate free world. We might one day live in a world where anybody could walk free, not because the law gives them the right to; but because the fact that they were born humans give them enough rights prior to law.

"Every man, my brother. Every woman, my sister.

Every old man, my grandfather. Every old woman, my grandmother.

Every crying child, my child. Every wounded soul, my soul."

Again, these words are not my own but Frank McEwen’s. If only, we all could harbor such beautiful thoughts. The world would have been a much happier place.

IF ONLY.. Words of complaint I've never had the heart to say out loud

You gave me a shock, when you asked me to be yours. Well, you didn't ask.. but then again, you confused me with this strange game. I remember writing on my journal.. "He has always, always done the right thing where I was concerned. I trust him to do the same now." I smiled to myself, because well, I suddenly realized how perfect it would be.

If only you knew, the dreams I dreamt from that moment onward.

We spent hours talking, doing nothing. We stayed a many nights, just staring out into nothingness and never speaking a word. Silent was the world, and beautiful, the moments. I could spend all my life doing nothing with you, in my happy place. I still remember every single thing like it happened only yesterday. I still remember how you held my hand one day, when I cried.

If only you had realized how much every single second meant to me.

You left me without reason, and I could never say a thing because I wasn't sure I had you in the first place. One day you showered me with love and the next day, acted like it never happened. I wanted to hate you, right down to your guts. I wanted to stop even speaking to, for the pain and hurt you've caused me. But how could I, when I cared more about you than I ever had for a person?

If only you had it in you, to at least care back.

From then on, you flitted on from woman to woman. Sometimes, I was asked to help. Sometimes, you'd be all secretive about it, like it would lessen my pain. I'd go on with my daily life, and you never left my mind, not for a second. I was so obsessed, so much so that even in my FINAL exams, I always searched for you even though I was already late. So much so during the few times you sent me a text, it would make my day. So much so, that nothing else mattered anymore. Not studies, not friends and certainly not family.

If only I realized how insane I was, for it was all but in vain.

I remember well, all the things I have done for you that you never knew about. I never tolerated a bad WORD against you. No matter how much you hurt me, nobody was still allowed to say a word against it. I remember how well I defended you, making up lame excuses. "He was just having a rough time.. didn't mean to hurt me.. did it only so that we wont mess up things.." I went on.

If only you knew how I always longed for one kind word, one nice gesture.

If you ever came across any challenge, I'd stay with you right through the end. I did, many a gazillion times and no, not because I expected anything in return. And certainly not because I wanted you to do the same for me some day either. But when it came down to the smallest, smallest thing where I needed it, I was sure you were there for me. I don't hold it against you that you weren't but the least you could have done was tell me the truth when you knew I what believed till the last minute.. until I heard sympathetic words from others who knew. No explanations given, no "sorry"s offered and certainly no care given as to what I felt. And I accepted this, was angry at first but then again, let it go.. like I have the many other times you've let me down and hurt me.

If only you had any idea how many things like this have made me cry myself to sleep.

Once I tried to be there on your birthday. It might not have mattered much, but I wanted to and I couldn't no matter how much I tried. So instead, I thought of making you a card, along with a gift to send. I snipped, pasted, cut and worked all night long, till I couldn't anymore. It wasn't pretty or creative like I wanted it to be, because I'm not a good artist. However, my hopes were high when I showed it to you. And I do not think you even looked at it. I was again so sad that I tore down the whole thing and never sent you my gift either.

If only you knew how the simplest things you do, broke me apart every single time.

You never told me what I lacked. If you didn't reach for me over and over again, maybe I'd have thought it was because I simply wasn't good enough. But why did you want me at one time, leave me again, want me after that and leave again? I would have sung for you a thousand times.. I would have maybe, done everything I could for you. Yes, even learnt how to cook. I'd have loved you like no other, cared for you more with every passing day and maybe, just maybe, we could have beaten the odds.

If only you'd ever truly given it a chance, If only you'd even tried once.

I had a dream once. Not long ago, I would have given anything to be yours. Not anymore, because I realize now, that it would never have been this way if you ever cared. I have moved on and while I now that deep inside I'll always care about you, please now that you have lost me truly, forever. Because I couldn't stand it anymore.. and though I know you loved me too, I'm sorry it was never enough. I'm sick of being obsessed with you, I'm sick of never being able to move on, I'm sick of waiting for you when you never even asked me to. I'm walking away today..

If only you had stopped me ages ago, when I'd have been happy to look back...

Do I miss home? YES I DO!

“New faces, new ways and new places, here I come.”

This was what I was thinking as I made my way through the familiar airport of Sri Lanka. I have been here before, on various shopping trips with my family. However, this time it was different. Different because this time, I am supposed to two years here. Also, different because this time, my parents would never be there to spoil me.

As I entered the place which was supposed to be my new home, I found a million things to complain about. Not because things weren't in order, but rather because of how determined I was to find everything wrong about it. I went on and on about how I did not have any friends, or how the sand here was never white. I grumbled about the food and about how some people I met here expected Maldivians to be extremely bad people. Of course, I missed home.

At first, I made things difficult for everyone around me. However, as days passed on, I found myself adjusting slowly. I slowly started getting along with my housemates. Furthermore, as college started I made many new friends.

For once in my life, I have started finding pleasure in things except shopping and dinners and hanging out. Not that I could still survive without shopping (hell I cant O_O) , but I totally could spend a happy gazillion hours with the lil girl who lives at my place, Meesam. We did all kinds of fun stuff like making cards and dancing. She'd sometimes be so naughty and just when I'm about to get all frustrated, she'd show me the flowers she got for me, or the cards and I'd melt all over. I am pretty much the party girl, and I couldn't imagine spending a minute somewhere peaceful. However, I found joy in going to the park and just sitting, watching children play. Sometimes Meesam would ask me to give her a push on the swing, and I would. Sometimes, I just sit on a bench and watch the birds.

Moreover, I am learning how to cook. Sadly, one of the things few things I can't do, but would love to. I have started to spend more time doing things for myself.

I have started to change in ways I never knew I could, and I am happy about it. With every passing day, I learn so many news things. I learnt that being happy doesn't revolve around shopping and shoes. Moreover, I learnt that no matter where you go, it’s always important to be who you really are. You do not have to change the person you are, just to get accepted.

Almost a month has passed since I moved here. Now, I look forward to the 2 years I have left. I have taken up political science and mass communication as my majors in college, and I think it is so far, the best decision I have ever made in my life.

However, every day I face the question, “Why political science?”

To this, I always smile and shrug, most of the time because I do not know what to say. I decided to study political science because I want to make a change. And as to answering the question, “what change?” I’d never even finish answering that question.

Yes, I belong to a society that needs that many changes.

We have yet, to mature as social beings. It’s not a matter of choosing the right leader anymore. It has been brought down to being a matter of right and wrong. We are one sad little nation that's among the lowest populated from the world, and also with an insanely high count of grave social issues like domestic violence, drug abuse and gang violence.

So yes, I have a dream. I dream of making a change one day. A change so good, that around the globe we see the white flags of peace. A day when there’s no discrimination between gender, race and ethnicity. A day we all could forget our differences and learn to tolerate. A day I could walk safe in my own country.

Sigh, that's all for now, be back later. Till then, keep smiling :)

And yeah, here are some of the few pics I managed to get with my little family, before they headed back to the sunny side!

Dad with McDonald's Ronald.

Me and mom , Oh I miss her so! ):

With lil Mr. Annoying, Raif. I miss you too, lil one

And finally me, after getting reddish maroon highlights on my hair yesterday. It was just one of those crazy urges you have. I was coming home from college, saw the salon, and was like, "hey, highlights!" :P